My Funny Life Bloggin’

By June 11, 2019 No Comments

My Funny Life Blog

I just turned sixty five and no one is asking me to show ID when I claim the senior’s discount. Actually they haven’t asked for years. I’ve been claiming to be old to buy senior movie tickets and save a few dollars. Okay, so bust me. The kids working there have no idea of age and don’t care. But I have to get accustomed to this new chapter.

Dee Dee, my Grandmother, was good at being old. She relished the role of matriarch over a petit dynasty of mainly women. She was the mother of an only child, my mother, who bore two girls. The girls ruled and Dee Dee ruled the girls
She was my beacon for growing old. Full of life and beans. She was a loyal fan of Jeopardy long before Alex Trebek came into the picture tube. She talked to squirrels. “Mat, mat, mat” . (Try it, it works.) And she gardened. Weeding Dandelions was her ongoing battle and when she dug up an entire root she would hold it high like a warrior triumphantly showing off the severed head of a conquest.

There are few role models for aging these days. I can’t give into shopping at Talbots and wearing mother of the bride clothes or those baggy beige capris I see so many women wearing. They just make you look old. I’m just not there yet.

I read a lot of magazines because I’m interested in health tips, organizing tips, beauty tips, fashion tips. Each tip is a ray of hope. So, I’d like to pass some along as I blog. Of course, as a disclaimer, I have no expertise in any of these areas. However, over my lifetime, I’m a woman who has rightfully garnered some opinions. Few facts, I admit. It’s mainly anecdotal experience I’m compelled to pass along. Like my grandmother, Dee Dee, who began to share intimate details of her life to spice up ours or she simply felt self entitled to because of her age.

My eyeglass prescription was recently renewed and still I can’t see anything, I wear dollar-store readers over my glasses, putting on makeup in a magnifying mirror. That’s when I get close to 20/20 vision and see the many fine hairs on my face and ponder if I should shave. But, will it just grow back thicker and I’ll end up looking Hagrid from Harry Potter. Or will I have to shave it everyday? Why do men age and begin to look like women and we grow beards.

When did thick hard hairs start growing like weeds on my chin. Plucking the hairs on DeeDee’s chin was a regular pastime when I was a child. Under the brightest light in the house she would hold a hand mirror up to her stretched out, jutting chin. With her eyes closed, her slender arthritically knobbed middle and ring fingers, would lightly stroke the bottom of her lower jaw. She was feeling for strays and when she landed on one, her eyes would open she’d search for where her finger had guided her to, in the mirror. Then it was my job to swoop in with my young eyes, my firm grip of the tweezers and yank. I would hold my conquests up to the light for her approval.

So here’s the tip: It feels good to weed the garden!